his_sarah_jane: (pensive)
Five times you said yes and meant no.

It’s cold outside. That’s the first thing the four year old girl notices when she steps outside of the small Liverpool house. It’s cold for the month of May and she blames it entirely on the business trip her parents are going to have to make. Her birthday is next week. She’ll be five and grown up. Her daddy seems so proud. He promises to bring her back a surprise. Her mother laughs when she overhears the conversation:

“It’ll be brilliant, my little Sarah Jane,” Nigel Smith says, ruffling the girl’s hair. “You’ll absolutely adore it. But the only way you’ll be getting this surprise is if you promise to be a good girl for your aunt Lavinia.”

“I will!” Sarah smiles a gap toothed smile, attempting to look as innocent as possible. Her answer to her father is a yes. But both her parents know that it isn’t the truth. She’s too curious, too mischievous, too anything to be the proper good girl her father wants. Still, she says yes, even when she means no.

“Wonderful.” He smiles, wrapping an arm around Alice’s waist. “We’ll be back soon, alright, darling?”

That cold May day, the Smith parents and daughter exchange truths and lies in their farewells. Neither are ever meant to be kept.


She wakes up with a gasp. The room is dark and her breath is heavy. She pushes her fringe out from her eyes and takes another gasp. Blankets fall around her body. It had been that dream again, more memory than fantasy: saying goodbye to her parents as a child, her aunt telling her how they had died. Sarah Jane is twenty now, but fifteen years later and the memory of that day still haunts her.

The body next to hers stirs. She rubs her eyes, trying to act as if nothing is amiss. Andrew will never understand, not in a million years. His life is perfect. He expects hers to have been just as much: the perfect journalist and the perfect girlfriend, now the perfect fiancée. They’ve been sharing the flat in Nottingham since the end of her second year at university. He’s a light sleeper. She despises that.

“Sarah, love?”

A light sleeper and clearly awake now. Sarah sighs, sinking down into the sheets and trying to pretend that she’s still asleep. The trick doesn’t work; brown eyes bear down on her very soul.

“Was it another bad dream?”

She shakes her head. Andrew looks at her doubtfully.

“Is everything okay?”

“Oh, of course it is, Andrew.” This lie is starting to come so easily now. Everything is always all right around him. Nothing can ever be out of place. “Just a bit of a fright, that’s all.”


To make up for her failed engagement, Sarah Jane finds herself diving deep into her burgeoning career. It’s easy enough to do and soon enough, she’s relocated to South Croydon and started a promising job with Metropolitan paper. The prospects are exciting. She’s assigned a column – her very own column to do whatever she wants with. All of this is almost enough to make her forget about Andrew and forget about the way he compromised her values and forced her to finally say no, not everything is all right after all.

Then she makes a mistake. It’s a simple enough mistake. Dinner at the local pub further down on Hillview Road has been a normal occurrence while she’s still busy moving in to her new flat. What isn’t normal is the man that starts to talk to her from a nearby table. Gary Noble: a nice enough bloke and far from plain looking. She finds herself laughing again and even smiling. The meal passes quickly.

“It’s a nice night out,” Gary states as they stroll down the lane towards her flat. Their hands occasionally brush as they walk closely together. Originally, she had protested his offer to walk home. Now, she’s happy that she didn’t refuse. “The stars seem to be twinkling ahead. It’s lovely, and the company even lovelier.”

“Exaggerations won’t get you everywhere,” she retorts playfully. Sarah Jane’s eyes twinkle. Harmless flirtation – this she can handle. She comes to a stop in front of a door and smiles up at him. Their walk is over. From the way he looks her over, he knows that too.

Gary smiles and cups her cheek gently. “Will it get me an invitation up to your flat for a cuppa?”

Instantly, the scenario plays out in Sarah’s head. It wouldn’t be just a cuppa. It’s too soon to start anything. Her heart is still on the mend. But oh, he seems so very charming and he’s so very gorgeous and it could be… oh, well, couldn’t it just be a one night sort of thing? A fling, a shag, no complications in the morning.

“Yes.”

No. No, no, no. She can’t handle another man this soon.

“It certainly will.”


“I'm not listening.”

Alien monsters, robber barons, a bloody invasion of London by dinosaurs. She had stumbled in over her head when investigating the disappearance of those scientists, disguising herself as her aunt in order to scoop those other curious reporters. Her previously simple world has been turned upside down. The stars in the night sky don’t look the same again. Even a simple passerbyer on the city sidewalk deserves a second glance.

And it’s all because she snuck in to that TARDIS of his when she wasn’t supposed to. Breaking the rules, it appears, has consequences after all. Sarah Jane absolutely refuses to do anything more of the sort. She wants her life to return to that mostly peaceful thing it was. No more aliens for her, thank you all the same.

“...and its seas are as warm milk and the sands as soft as swan's down,” the Doctor continues, leaning closer to her as he talks. There’s a twinkle in his eyes and his face is littered with happy wrinkles
“No, Doctor,” Sarah insists. Hands move from chest to ears, absolutely refusing to listen to this. Her mind has been made up. He isn’t going to win. She’s determined. There will be absolutely no more adventures for Sarah Jane Smith this point out. She wants a normal life, complete with an absolute guarantee that she won’t ever nearly escape death again.

“And the streams flow with water that are clearer than the clearest crystal...”

Sarah Jane shakes her head. Somehow, in some way, it does the trick. The Doctor sighs and takes a step back from her. He frowns, placing a hand to his chin. Then he shakes his own head. Disappointment flashes across his features.

“You’ll never find a beach like this on Earth. Now, Sarah Jane, you really don’t want a normal, humdrum life, do you?”

“Yes. Yes, Doctor, I very much do.”


No. No she doesn’t. She doesn’t want this life. She doesn’t want to be here on Earth. Humdrum, dull lives are for other people. They aren’t for people like her. People like her know death at an early age. It has to be their constant companion in some form or another. Excitement, adventure, pain and joy: all of it. She craves all of it in her life. Love and bliss and domesticity are for other people. Sarah Jane could have had that once.

Up until this point, she has been more than happy she said no.

It is a yes she never intended to say. She never intended to go home. She never intended to leave. All of it, every complaint and every scolding and every pout, all of it had been a rouse. All Sarah had wanted was his attention.

Tears in her eyes, she’s ready to run back to the TARDIS. He couldn’t have gone off yet. It’s too soon. He ought to be watching her leave, that forlorn alien look in his eyes. Sarah stops dead in her tracks. Her breath catches in her throat and she can’t take it anymore. Slowly she turns and starts to dash back. However will he get along without her? That sonic screwdriver is only good for so much, after all.

It’s not there.

He’s not there.

He’s not there.

Her goodies drop to the ground as Sarah chokes back a sob.

He’s gone.

All because she had said yes, she'll take her leave of him for now, when it very clearly had been a no.
his_sarah_jane: (bright grin)
1. Make a list of the gifts that you would give to other people, if money and power were no object.

[ooc: Individuals mentioned from a variety of different games/verses/what have you. Point is? They are all individuals on her friends list that Sarah has gifts in mind for.]

[livejournal.com profile] born_running: A trip about the galaxy, completely danger free and preferably with the Doctor and K-9 joining us.

[livejournal.com profile] callitavesper: What do you give the man who has given you something as precious as a daughter, a husband and a proper family? I wish I could give you everything your heart desired. In the end, I think the only gift I can give you is the promise that I will always, always be there for you. I love you. And, materialistically? It would most certainly be a framed photograph of our family.

[livejournal.com profile] clever_wanderer: I think a box of tissues might be appropriate, considering all the crying I seem to do around you. But any gift? I’d find some way to fix the TARDIS for you. I know you aren’t happy with the way she’s acting right now. I just… oh, I wish I could make everything right for you.

[livejournal.com profile] cocky_cockney: Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. :D?

[livejournal.com profile] coffeekingianto: A pretty little China teapot and some Darjeeling tea. If that doesn’t convince you of tea’s value, I honestly don’t know what will.

[livejournal.com profile] eleventh_doctor: I think you need a bright pink teddy bear that says best mum. You certainly can be to Luke when you want to.

[livejournal.com profile] exiled_prof: Perhaps… oh, if I could give you anything? It might just be a child.

[livejournal.com profile] gethin_jones: An extra helmet for whenever he’s not alone on his bike.

[livejournal.com profile] hapan_heiress: A shopping spree at Hamley’s.

[livejournal.com profile] i_heart_winona: A weapon good enough to replace Wynonna.

[livejournal.com profile] izzie_mcphee: Most definitely a good pair of running shoes.

[livejournal.com profile] j_harkness11: I think I may just be willing to offer to babysit at some point so you and Ianto can enjoy some time alone.

[livejournal.com profile] londonsdaughter: A practical guide on how to travel with the Doctor, complete with illustrations on how to best thwack him when not listening. It’ll quite possibly be written by yours truly, if you don’t mind, Donna.

[livejournal.com profile] lost_a_hand: Not quite the best gift in the universe, but a banana milksahke and the promise to be the best companion I ever can from this point out. This time, I’m not giving you any reason to leave me behind.

[livejournal.com profile] lovetolongago: Another kiss. Or, if not, a trip for two to this new Earth we’ve found ourselves on.

[livejournal.com profile] ninewho: A silly Hawaiian shirt, the tackier the better. You need some sort of colour to brighten up your wardrobe.

[livejournal.com profile] not_on_her_own: I know the perfect gift for you, Maria: a leather bound journal so you can start some writings of your own.

[livejournal.com profile] not_tindog: A K-9 unit of your very own. Someone like you ought to have one.

[livejournal.com profile] notanarc: My prized typewriter. I need to give it up sometime, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather give it to than a fellow journalist and a wonderful friend.

[livejournal.com profile] queenofmay: It may be a children’s book, but I think it might give you some insight to what women of both the modern world and the past are quite capable of: Lives of Extraordinary Women. And another book, Literature of the Women’s Suffrage Campaign in England. I do hope you find both useful.

[livejournal.com profile] rude_not_ginger: I think that, perhaps, I would want to get you a kitten. I have very fond memories of rather enjoying my time with a kitten who had your personality, after all.

[livejournal.com profile] shot_my_shoes: Your own little yacht. Then, if you wanted, you could have your own travels to gloat about someday.

[livejournal.com profile] slasherofprices: If I could control such matters, it would be another chance at life and this time with me and Luke in the picture.

[livejournal.com profile] thecricketer: Would you fancy a new cricket set? I’d even be willing to throw in a game or two with you, if you promise to make the odds more interesting. Say, winner has to treat the other to trip of his or her choice?

[livejournal.com profile] thedoctorwho: A part of me wishes that I could give you my promise that I’ll never do anything to make you cross again, but I know that isn’t true. So it would have to be a photograph I took one day when you were lounging about Milliways. So that you remember that you can always visit me here.

[livejournal.com profile] toshtosh: One of the Doctor’s old sonic screwdrivers.

[livejournal.com profile] velvetdoc: Some silly gizmo that you could have fun playing with. I wouldn’t understand it at all, of course, but I’m certain you’d try to explain to me anyway.

[livejournal.com profile] walkineternity: I would work up the courage to give you the absolute and honest truth about how much I adore you.

[livejournal.com profile] works_in_space: Most certainly another trip to James’ London.
his_sarah_jane: (surprised)
F. Rocket Man
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids.
In fact it's cold as hell.


It was cold when she stepped out of the TARDIS. This had come as a surprise to her. Despite the fact that Mars was further from the sun, for some reason, she had always pictured it as warm. Perhaps it was the B-films that she had occasionally watched in childhood. Maybe it was a result of reading novels like The Martian Chronicles later in life. Either way, Sarah Jane was surprised to find herself shivering.

She ran hands up and down her arms before hugging herself tightly. Her thin blazer did little to provide heat. Her skirt was no better. It was cold here – almost as cold, she wanted to say, as the North Pole. But Sarah Jane had never been to the North Pole before. She made it to Mars before she ever made it there. After her previous adventure, a trip to medieval England, she honestly shouldn’t have been surprised. But she was.

“I’m actually here,” she whispered, turning to beam at her companion. The Doctor, with his white hair and velvet cloak, was a distinguished looking fellow. How could she ever have mistaken him for a villain? “Oh, this is flipping amazing, Doctor!”

He chuckled as he slipped the velvet cloak around her shoulders. “Mars, 20,000 B.C. Man hasn’t even discovered fire yet. But Mars is blooming with life.”

It certainly was. Odd coloured plants littered the landscape. There was a bird (or something that sound a lot like it) screeching off in the distance. Something nearly invisible fluttered by her. It was like Mars as depicted in science fiction, so much like it. But it was so much colder. So, so much colder. Despite that, she didn’t care. It was her first planet. She was still so far in the past, even further than she had been the day before. Still:

She. Wasn’t. On. Earth.

It’s was absolutely amazing!

“I love it, Doctor,” she finally decides. “I absolutely love it. You might as well expect me to stick around now. I don’t know how anyone can give up a life like this. Another bloody planet. Absolutely amazing.”

Sarah didn’t ever want to leave. It was cold and exotic and so strangely beautiful. It was so far from the home she had grown up in, that small suburb in England. It was so unlike anything she had ever seen before. Mars had never been her favorite planet. To be honest, she never had a proper one like the boys in primary. This though? This changed everything. She knew now that in stepping on the red planet that life could never be the same again.
his_sarah_jane: (three!)
George Carlin Quotes: If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

She hadn’t understood any of it. One moment, she had been in the UNIT-guarded think tank and then, after following that annoying Doctor Smith into that daft police box of him, she had stumbled upon a far too realistic pantomime. In a world that was vastly different from Sarah Jane’s own, she had only been left with rationalization. She must have been knocked unconscious while exploring the inside of the police box and, then, it must have been loaded on the back of a truck so the Doctor could sneak out inconspicuously.

As for bringing her to one of these bloody tourist places, well, to be honest, she couldn’t figure that one out. She had tried to, of course. But absolutely no reason truly made sense. What would missing scientists have to do with grotty tourist sites? If they just wanted a vacation, surely all they had to do was ask! UNIT, let alone any agency that they worked for, didn’t seem that horrid as to deny hard-working men the break that they deserved.

Sarah had still been puzzling out all her explanations when he walked in. He wasn’t like anything that she had ever seen before. The man possessed no visible neck and his clothes (if you could call them that) were horribly out of place for either time period: past or present. It was metallic and, well, almost reminded her of a space suit out of a particularly bad Star Trek episode. It was the head that kept getting to her though: the eyes were too sunken in and the lips were too wide and there was absolutely no hair to be found on his person!

The strange man walked forward towards Irongron, stating something about weapons. All Sarah Jane could really do was to stare. He certainly spoke English well enough, but she had found in her travels with her aunt that that didn’t necessarily explain anything. She found herself wincing as he came forward, acting almost… confused by her presence.

Suddenly, she found herself wanting to go home – wherever or whenever home was. She didn’t want to believe it to be possible: that she wasn’t in a pantomime and that all this was really happening. But the man’s grasp on her chin felt strange, completely unhuman. He seemed as confused as she did, babbling away on reproductive systems and some Sontaran Military Academy.

It was after he pulled the wand-like device on her that everything became clear. She could almost see herself in the trance. Sarah didn’t want to answer any of Linx’s questions, but with the glow in her eyes, she found herself compelled. As her mind’s eye watched from far off, she knew that this wasn’t some silly tourist place. This was real.

She always felt that those UFO groups were just nutters. Oh, she wasn’t arrogant enough to believe that they were alone in the universe. After all, it was a great big wide one filled with lots of stars and planets humankind would never be able to reach. Sarah did, however, fancy herself as realistic. Just as there was no likelihood of humans ever reaching far past their own solar system, likewise was the likelihood of aliens reaching Earth. They were out there, yes, but certainly not anywhere within the vicinity of Earth.

Sarah Jane liked humans well enough. Even with all their faults, it made her lot rather interesting. But a universe capable of all this life on Earth wouldn’t just settle for one planet. That, more than anything, was completely inconceivable.

The device switched off. Suddenly, all previous thoughts and recollections disappeared. She had no idea what she had just said, let alone what she had been thinking. All Sarah Jane knew as that this situation was getting weirder and weirder and that she had to get away from Irongron and his strange looking knight.

So she ran when no one was looking.

It wasn’t until two nights later, asleep safe and sound within the TARDIS, did Sarah Jane remember those lost thoughts and words. As she turned on her side and stared out in the darkness of the bedroom she had claimed for herself, she had a chuckle.

Not alone in the universe, indeed.

She was certain that befriending this Timelord (as arrogant and vain as he seemed) would turn out to be quite the adventure. Being alone in the universe was a vastly daft idea, overall.
his_sarah_jane: (transgendered - oh noes)
You've woken up as the opposite sex this morning... now what?

“Doctor!”

The voice that resonated with anger throughout the TARDIS was far too deep for Sarah Jane’s liking. It was too deep and husky and masculine and far too appropriate for her current situation.

One moment, Sarah was sitting at her desk in the TARDIS busy at work with an explanation for Clorinda as to why she had been gone so long. Earlier that day (or whatever passed for such in this contraption), the Doctor had promised a speedy return to London over a plate of chips. It was the only way that he could actually get her to stop complaining about her so-called kidnapping through time and alien planets (which, in actuality, was mostly in jest). He had gone off to do some tinkering with the TARDIS’ console.

And now?

Now, Sarah Jane Smith would more properly be named Sawyer John Smith.

She ran a hand over her body for the second time since the change. Sure enough, her face felt different: the nose too big and stubble on her cheeks that wasn’t ever there before. Her breasts were magically flattened and harden and, perhaps worse of all, was that thing dangling between her legs. It didn’t take a mirror to clue her in.

“Doctor!” Sarah shouted again, unable to stay confined to her room any longer. Oh, she wanted to hide. But anger and a desperation to know what the bloody hell had just happened had won out. She stormed all the way to the console room, even if her foot stomps came up quiet; none of her shoes seemed to fit anymore. The flowery robe wrapped around this body was already awkward enough, thanks all the same.

“Doctor,” she repeated for the umpteenth time as she entered the room and saw a bushel of wavy grey hair above a velvet jacket still tinkering away with some gadget or another, “ I’m a flippin’--!”

Words stopped short when the Doctor did finally turn around. He, well…he wasn’t quite himself anymore. Unlike Sarah, he still remained in the clothes she had seen him in at lunch. Yet now, they were baggy, although not baggy enough to reveal a certain hump on his chest that hadn’t been there before. His face too was entirely different: the features, while still a bit on the elder side, were softened and not as sharp. To say a word, the Timelord now very much resembled a Timelady.

Sarah Jane blinked and blinked again as she stared at him. This had to be entirely in her imagination. There was no possible way that she was seeing straight. Or, for that matter, feeling straight either. This was impossible! And she had been well acquainted with impossible these past few months. This, she decided, was absolutely daft.

“You look rather like a former companion of mine, Sarah Jane,” he responded, acting almost as if nothing was amidst. “But the ears are much too big. I’m afraid I haven’t gotten a chance to see my new form yet. It does look proper, I hope.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t believe just how…how normal the Doctor was being over this. Didn’t he even realize that she wasn’t even a bloody girl anymore?
“Doctor. I. Am. A. Man.”

“And a rather strapping one if I do say so myself,” he replied, flashing what she supposed was a comforting grin. It was anything but. At her (his?) deepened frown, he (she?) continued. “I wouldn’t worry myself too much about it if I were you. The space-distortion the TARDIS is currently passing through will go by quickly enough.”

Sarah tilted her head. The lack of hair brushing against her shoulders felt even stranger than anything else. “Space-distortion?”

He nodded. “An abnormality caused by the proximal gravitational field of a black hole with a worm hole. I had been working on getting us back to London – as promised,” he added in with a waggle of not so bushy eyebrows. “Apparently I miscalculated.”

“Again,” she couldn’t help but chime in. “And now I’m a man, Doctor!”

“Only temporarily, might I add.”

“I don’t care!” Sarah stomped her foot, wincing in pain as it collided with the ground. Doing that without shoes or even slippers on had been a mistake. She scowled angrily at the TARDIS before fixing her glare on the Doctor. “I want to be a woman, Doctor.”

“Oh, Sarah Jane,” he responded, voice sounding far too motherly for her tastes. “You will be soon enough. Until then, enjoy yourself. It isn’t, after all, every day you wind up in another body.”

The wink is what got her most. As the words connected in her brain, Sarah Jane blinked. Once, twice, three times. All this had to be some sort of horrible dream, an absolutely dreadful one. After one more scowl, she turned around to flee back to her room.

She didn’t care how long or short this would last. She didn’t care about any of the opportunities that could accompany being in a man’s body. Sarah just wanted to pretend this utter embarrassment never happened.

Fast asleep, she never even noticed the shift back to her original body.
his_sarah_jane: (yes?)
1. [Canon] "My name is Sarah Jane Lofts and my husband is a successful television journalist. Perhaps you've heard of him?"

2. [Canon] "Doctor, I'm not going anywhere anymore. I've had it up to here with police box travelling. This time, I'm taking the train home. Harry and the Brigadier really do have the right idea."

3. [Milliways] "We almost had a child, James. I... I never thought that I would be so sorry to miscarry."

4. [Theatrical Muse] "In fact, Kane, I believe that I will take you up on that offer."

5. [Canon] "I think I rather like it here now that that bug-thing is gone. These people on Nerva need someone to show them how proper Brits run things. I wouldn't mind helping."

6. [Milliways] "Well, Jack, I'm certain James wouldn't mind. We'll come, certainly. Just give me a when and where and I'll be certain that he's there."

7. [Ten Spot] "I don't think that I can take much more of this conversation, Doctor. If you don't propose right now - oh, I swear that I'll walk out of this TARDIS and never return."

8. [Canon] "Mum! Andrew actually kissed me last night!"

9. [Relative Space] "I think, Doctor, that that tattoo suits you rather well. It certainly stands out among all those ruffles. Are there any other surprises I should-- oooh!"

10. [Canon] "I think that, despite any spot of common sense, I've fallen madly in love with you."
his_sarah_jane: (considering)
020. TEN lives you've never lived/could have lived

1. [Canon] White picket fences and a kitchen filled with the latest gadgetry. It wasn’t the first time Sarah Jane felt that she was living in an American suburb advertisement and she doubted it would be the last. Longingly, she stared out the window as she waited for the bus to drop off Alice and Trent. Andrew would be home from work soon, she really should start dinner. It was moments like this, when the dreariness of life as a housewife took over that Sarah regretted her decision. Twenty was far too young an age to marry. She never should have said yes.

2. [Canon] She couldn’t understand it. He looked so different now. He acted so different now. Sarah had seen him die with her own eyes. This man in front of her couldn’t have been the Doctor she had first met. It didn’t make any rational sense, even in a world that didn’t make any rational sense anymore. But there was no use dwelling on it more than necessary. She had made up her mind. Now that the crisis with the robot was over, there was no need in hanging about anymore. Sarah Jane had a career to get back to. She had explained as much minutes earlier when she came to UNIT HQ to say her goodbyes to the Doctor. Without a look back, she continued forward.

3. [Canon] When she said her last words, Sarah Jane was over a hundred and much older than she had ever expected to live. Somewhere out there in her universe, her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren roamed the stars. Wanderlust, it seemed, had been genetic and Sarah was content with letting them live the lives they wanted. After all, that was exactly what she did and oh, what a time it had been. Stowing away in the TARDIS that day the Doctor had tried to drop her off on Earth after receiving a call from the Timelords had been her most brilliant idea. Until now, neither had ever been lonely. And as she faded from this world, Sarah made her Doctor promise that he wouldn’t stay lonely for long.

4. [Milliways] It hadn’t been a false alarm. Her recklessness had finally caught up with her. There wouldn’t be any more trips with the Doctor, no eventual adventures with James. Sarah Jane’s future had been decided for her in one single mistake. But as James rubbed at her swollen belly, saying daft words to child inside of her, she didn’t consider it so much of a mistake anymore. Valerie was due to be born any day now; it was an event both looked forward to with trepidation and delight. Neither of them ever had a proper family growing up, but together, Sarah knew as she gave her husband a fond smile, they had found what they were missing.

5. [Milliways] Sarah Jane hadn’t quite sold her soul to the devil as given him her heart, freely and happily. At some point, sex with Sam had turned into something much more. He was still her friend, certainly, but she had started to see him in a different way. She had always known that Sam was rather gorgeous (and it didn’t really surprise her much given his background), but there was something more about him now. Something she hadn’t recalled feeling in a long time. As she laid in his arms that night, oblivious to the rest of the universe around them, she figured out what it was. Somewhere, somehow, Sarah had fallen in love. She was doomed.

6. [Theatrical Muse] She had been too late. That one fact would haunt her forever. With tear-filled eyes, Sarah watched the funeral pyre burn in the icy night. The sky was clear, much clearer than the night they had landed here days ago. But it was as cold and desolate as she remembered. Kane stood by her, an arm wrapped loosely around her shoulder. No matter how much she despised the pilot, she needed the comfort right now. Her best friend was gone. And she never even found out how much he had understood when she had whispered “I love you” the night before.

7. [Milliways] Except for that one-time pregnancy scare, she hadn’t ever planned on being a mother. But when Allana came into the bar two days ago, everything had changed. Her four year old friend was covered in dirt and grime, bruises and scratches covering her skin and tears in her eyes. There had been an explosion in the palace and, Sarah found out soon after, Hapes had been dragged into a war that had encompassed the rest of Allana’s galaxy. She had never planned on being a mother, but after meeting Allana’s father (though the man wouldn’t admit it) Sarah knew she had to try her best. He had been willing to give up his daughter to a stranger from another world to keep her safe. It gave Sarah a lot to live up to. As she walked over to his table to explain the matter, she only hoped James was willing to see this through with her.

8. [Relative Space] Sarah Jane had stormed away from the rest of the group after being stung by that flipping jam fish. For once, she had absolutely no intention in sharing in with the excitement, still too lost and confused by everything going on about her. The universe was ending and yet they were on Florana on a short vacation of sorts. But despite finally making it to Florana, she felt as if she was trapped in a never ending disaster. By all means, she probably was. So caught up in her own self pity, Sarah Jane didn’t notice anyone following her. When a hand grabbed hers, she turned around, startled. Sarah found herself looking up into the Doctor’s kind eyes, white hair mused by the wind. It was certainly a nice face to look at, she realized as she smiled back uncertainly. That uncertainty disappeared entirely when he kissed her. Everything but the two of them disappeared for that one lingering moment: the eye in the oncoming storm.

9. [Canon] Sarah laughed with excitement as she scored the winning goal of the playoff game. Never before had she performed this well. Certainly never before had she actually made a goal that made all the difference in the end. Her hockey stick was thrown to the ground as the ten year old girl ran forward to her team mates, joining them in excited shouts of celebration. From the corner of her eye, she caught her parents in the stands. They were clapping more enthusiastically than any other person, clearly proud of her. Sarah Jane laughed again, this time with anticipation. There was going to be a party in the Smith household tonight.

10. [Milliways] Every time she walked past the graveyard, Sarah was filled with a pain of what might have been. It hadn’t been a year yet and the ache inside her certainly hadn’t dulled. When James had died, it was unexpected, shortly after their first date. He had been called away on a mission to Cuba. She had waited a whole week for him to return, unable to get back to Milliways without his help. But he had never shown up. She had been abandoned in a world not her own. She hadn’t even had the chance to fall properly in love with him. Walking by that one graveyard always hurt. Yet, she never knew how to change routes.

[ooc: ya'll? i <3 you for inspiring these responses. you know who you are.]
his_sarah_jane: (embaressed)
Write a fan letter.

[ooc: as chosen by popular opinion. thank you all muchly.]


You’re almost dismayed when you come home after a long day at the Metropolitan to see him in your bedroom. His velvet jacket is neatly folded over your desk chair and his shoes are on the floor and you can tell that he has been there for hours. Surprisingly enough, it’s not the thought of him sitting on her bed that bothers you the most, but rather what he is sitting there doing right now. Your eyes narrow on the yellowed piece of paper in his hand and then slowly move to the opened chest moved from its normal home in the closet to a spot by the bed, well within his reach.

It’s a perfectly normal chest, medium sized and made of oak with etchings of ivy and lilies along the side. Your favourite chest, in fact, from when you were a girl and the chest you kept to house your favourite childhood mementos in. Like the field hockey ball on the bed, the one you won your first goal with. And your second favourite teddy bear, Mr Tumnus, who wasn’t as special as Alice to keep on your bed. Books, papers, cards, comic books, airline ticket stubs… It’s the lot of your childhood scattered over your bed right now and you stare in anger and dismay.

When he has the nerve to grin at you, waggling his bushy white eyebrows as if he’s done no wrong, you just want to scream. The two of you are becoming fast friends but…oh, if he was that curious about you, couldn’t he have just taken that daft time machine of his and gone back and seen everything for himself instead of…of:

“Invasion of privacy is what this is, Doctor,” you finally retort at the same time he asks, “Lois Lane, my dear?”

That’s when you realise what piece of paper he’s currently holding in his hand. That folded lined paper containing a letter you never actually had the nerve to send. You can feel your cheeks flush pink in anger and embarrassment, and you role your eyes to try and laugh it off.

“Oh, I was nine. And I had just seen Superman for the first time and…and this is beside the point, Doctor! What are you doing here? And why are you doing this?”

“You weren’t home yet and I was patiently waiting,” he answers simply with a shrug. Then, he clears his throat and gestures for you to take a seat. You refuse, but that doesn’t stop him from reading the letter aloud: “‘Dear Ms Neill,

“Today I saw you on the telly for the first time because we don’t get Superman back home in England. I don’t think, anyway and if we do, I will watch a lot more now. Because I thought that being stuck in the hotel room while Aunt Lavinia, she’s really great and my caretaker and a scientist, went to her meeting. She didn’t want me to go and ask all the people there lots of questions because she says it tends to be rude. I think it’s fun and interesting. And I really want to see more of Chicago.

“But Superman wound up being on the telly, and I think I now want to be just like Lois Lane because she’s even better than Aunt Lavinia. But don’t tell her that, please? I really, really liked her. She’s smart and a journalist and she always asks questions and doesn’t get yelled at for it and she’s pretty. You’re very pretty. And you play her very well. Plus, she always rescued by Superman and gosh, I wish I knew someone like that. It would be fun. Is it fun? I mean, well, maybe being captured by the bad guys isn’t, but you need to fight back more. Because what if Superman isn’t around to rescue you? You need to keep writing, because I’m sure you write great.’”

This is the point he pauses, chuckling good naturedly while you take a sudden interest in your boots. It has been a long, long time since you’ve gone through this chest and for a while there, you’ve almost forgotten these words even existed.

“Oh, Doctor, please. I think that’s quite enough now. You can--”

Before you finish your sentence, he interrupts:

“‘I’m going to look for the comics and everything when I go home now. And maybe work on my writing more. I already have top reports in school and I plan on going to university someday when I’m old enough. And then maybe I can get a job at the Daily Planet? Do you think Clark Kent would be there? Do you like Mr Kent and Mr Reeves? What about your editor and Jimmy Olsen? I think Mr Olsen is adorable and I wouldn’t mind having him as my photographer, even though I think I’d want to do my own photographs. I don’t think I’d want a partner like you have either, because Mr Kent always rushes off to save the day and he doesn’t even tell you! It’s not fair!!!

I still think you and your character are really groovy and maybe some day Aunt Lavinia will go to Los Angeles for a meeting and you’ll still be there, even if the series is off the air now.

Your biggest fan, Sarah Jane Smith. Age nine and a half.’”

You remember that day clearly now. How you watched the episode eagerly, never once taken your eyes off the small hotel television screen and how you insisted, once Aunt Lavinia came back from the meeting, that she take you to the nearest book store so you could show her your newest role model. You had been young then, young and silly and easily impressed by the adults in the world. But no one had impressed you more than Lois Lane and the way Noel Neill had brought her to life.

“Lois Lane, my dear?” He repeats again, knocking you back to reality from your remembrance. You watch as he carefully folds the letter and places it on top of a dog-eared copy of Moonraker. He stands and smiles at you before walking over to the chair to retrieve his jacket.

“Well,” you reply indignantly, still miffed at the invasion, “I could think of worse people to model myself after. James Bond, for one.” It’s a jab at him, even if the slightly confused face he gives you in that moment indicates he doesn’t get the reference at all. “She’s an intelligent, independent woman with a penchant for asking all the right questions. And has an alien friend to boot.”

“Much like you, I’d venture,” he says, wagging his eyebrows at you again as he slips on his jacket. “A journalist who constantly gets into trouble and needs her alien friend to rescue her.”

“I do no such thing!”

“Don’t deny it, Sarah Jane.”

It’s said in that patronizing tone that you honestly can’t stand, and that’s really the last straw. Walking steadily over to him, you grab his hand before he has a chance to get on his shoes. He looks at you bewildered as you march him out of your room and to the kitchen without saying a word. There, you let go of his hand and nod at a chair as you fetch the tea pot from the cabinet.

“You’re not going anywhere, Doctor,” you explain as you reach for the Darjeeling tea bags, turning your head briefly to make sure he hasn’t made an escape. To your surprise, and delight this time, he’s actually sitting and watching you bustle around the kitchen. “And you’re going to be honest with me, you hear? You’ve seen my childhood, without my permission, might I add, and now I want to know yours.”

It’s the chuckle and smile that get you the most. He rises to find the biscuits and you wonder just how many times he’s visited you uninvited in the past and then just gone away when he realised you weren’t home yet. You’ll have to have a talk to him about that sonic screwdriver and how it’s never to be used on your door lock again, but now isn’t that time. He looks at you briefly before talking; “All you had to do was ask. Unlike you, when I was a lad back on Gallifrey, I…”

You get your story’s worth, certainly. He talks and talks about life on Gallifrey, past tea and past dinner until finally you fall asleep in his arms on the couch in your living room. It’s not how you had expected to spend the night after a long day at work, but you have no complaints being Lois Lane to his not so mild-mannered Clark Kent tonight.
his_sarah_jane: (older!sarah and ten)
What are you waiting for?

The first time in which he offers you a trip in the TARDIS, you try your hardest not to accept. You’re done with this all now, all the aliens and monsters and dinosaurs. You’re done watching him almost die and you want nothing more but to go home, go to sleep, and then wake up the next morning to go to work.

But he keeps talking…talking about a place called Florana whose name alone sounds simply beautiful. He’s talking about a beautiful beach, and gently flowing waters, and the next thing you know, you’ve gone home not to sleep, but to pack a bag because you’re leaving shortly – in about an hour or so. He’s won, but, well, in your defence, it has been a long time since you had a chance to put on your favourite blue flowered bikini.

The next time you get this offer, it’s just about a year later and so much has changed. More to the fact, he’s changed and you’re not quite sure your relationship is ever going to be the same again. It’s not just the different face, but the new personality quirks you’ve been noticing. He probably doesn’t even want you tagging around anymore. So, you’ve come to tell him that you’re leaving this time. There won’t be any more trips in the TARDIS for you.

But once again, he has that way of his. He comes in and you talk about that robot, and then he decides you need a change. But it’s him…he’s the one that wants a change and not just in wardrobe, and when it comes down to it, he’s acting simply childish again. When he asks you if you’re coming, holding out that bag of jelly babies, you take one and eat it no matter how much you can’t stand the candy. And then you smile, and he smiles back, just like always.






There’s a third time to all of this too. This third offer doesn’t happen until some thirty odd years later, after you had nearly given up on waiting. But oh, he was back and all of a sudden, your life felt complete again. You were older, he had regenerated many a time, and in the process and found himself a new companion. But the danger was still there, the thrill was still there.

And oh, how he’s remodelled more than just his face, much to your surprise. You still prefer it the way it was, but oh, it’s the inside of the TARDIS again. It’s everything you remembered in your dreams. Then she, the new companion, nods to him, and he smiles at you and tells you, once more, that you can come with them.

It’s everything you ever wanted to hear since he stranded you in Aberdeen all those years ago. Your life has come back. He’s come back. So you stand there, frozen, except for the smile that creeps your way onto your face as you think of what your life can be like again. How you can live again.

You agree for a final time.

The next thing you know, the TARDIS has taken off with three new additions – you and the boy, and that daft metal dog you love so much. Everything’s just as it should be, and the adventures you face are just as exciting as those you faced when you were young. You see clockwork robots and you and him nearly trap yourself in nineteenth century France. Then it’s off to alternate dimensions and black holes and a whole universe waiting to be explored just as you had left it.

The boy is the first to leave, back in that alternate dimension. The girl is the most upset over this, but you and he just shrug it off. You’re used to people coming and going in your life, and the most important person from it is back again. You and the girl become fast friends and in some ways, you suppose, it’s almost like having a sister. A much younger sister, but a sister nonetheless. Then, somehow, somewhere along the line, the two of you – you and him - pick up just where you left off all those years before and things just fall into place. This is the life you’ve always wanted, travelling with him and growing old with him, and never having to face a dull moment.

You’ve found your family again.

And then disaster strikes. Torchwood’s gone bloody mad and they let Cybermen into the world, and then there’s the Daleks and everything is horrible. Somehow…just somehow he manages to figure a way out of all this and somehow you survive. But she winds up elsewhere, your new best friend. Back in that alternate dimension you once visited, trapped forever with her family and the boy. So now it’s just you and him again, you and your lover, travelling around the cosmos until one day














one day, you just can’t do it anymore. He’s gone through yet another regeneration by now (older and more dignified, a better match up to your age) and despite the fact that you’re about to have another birthday, things are still as lively as ever between you and him. Until once again, everything goes horribly wrong and you just can’t escape.

And you die. In his arms, the way you always wanted to. And that’s it. There’s no more offers or waiting or anything. It’s all over. It’s all.





“I can’t do this anymore.”

It doesn’t sound like your voice, but it is. You stand there sighing, trying to avoid his gaze and trying to fight the tears from your eyes as you speak. His face falls, and even though you try so hard to remain confident, it’s hard. It’s the first time you’ve ever refused his offer. It tastes strange, the words feel strange, but you need to. You need to finish this once and for all. There aren’t any more ocean planets or jelly babies. Too much has changed.

You realise with a shock that you’ve changed. So you make up your mind. No more Sarah, the Doctor’s companion. From now on, it’ll only be Sarah Jane, investigative journalist. And you tell him that, no matter how much it hurts:

“Besides, I’ve got a much bigger adventure ahead. It’s time I stop waiting for you and found a life of my own.”

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Sarah Jane Smith

April 2011

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