"I swear Sarah," he said peeling the mermaid away, and sitting behind Sarah using her as a human shield, "I swear if you write something about me and Bubbles over there, I will do something very bad to you in your sleep."

"I think that's extortion, by the way," he said, finally processing her first few words, "using a man's lack of home against him."

He continued to adjust himself as the mermaid approached, shifting his body behind Sarah's to block the mermaid.