Sarah Jane Smith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
his_sarah_jane) wrote2007-08-06 03:28 pm
his_sarah_jane) wrote2007-08-06 03:28 pm
Entry tags:
[Fandom Muses] August Prompt (Quote)
"I wanted a perfect ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." --Gilda Radner
Delicious ambiguity. That certainly is my life now, isn’t it? I’m afraid I haven’t been a proper correspondent as late, writing more than the briefest description of my life between worlds. I do hope to change all that. As much as I enjoy writing articles, penning my own life brings with it such a deeper thrill. Especially considering just how unusual my life can get. I like to believe that it would all make a terrific story one day, someday far into the future when (if?) life has finally settled down.
Until then, it has rooted itself with uncertainties again. Life with the Doctor has always been like that to begin with. Perhaps in a way that bit of life has remained constant. I never know where he’s to bring me next. We’re supposed to be heading back towards London to meet with the Brigadier about that whole Loch Ness monster circumstance. Instead, we’ve been bouncing around from planet to planet, time to time. I suppose that’s what happens when one lives in a time machine: it doesn’t really quite matter how long you stay away as long as you wind up in the moment you intended.
Since we left Harry and the Brig, more than a couple weeks ago by now, we’ve seen nebulas being born, giant butterfly creatures, a species actually resembling dwarves of myth, and so much more. The Doctor’s been taking me on a wild adventure of time and space, and each morning I wake up not knowing where I’ll be next. Yet despite the adventure, it does become rather tiring at times, and some days I want nothing more than a long bath with a good romance novel.
But that is what I have Milliways for, isn’t it? It certainly provides the mundane simplicity of waking up each morning knowing that you’re still in the same place. Well, perhaps not as much as James’ world, but certainly a lot more so than life with the Doctor. Life is routine in Milliways, despite its weirdness. I wake up, go for a jog, spend the day working on an article or chatting with friends or reading a novel. At times it does get boring, at others it becomes a holiday from holiday.
As for life with James… That’s the problem, isn’t it? That’s where this ambiguity has come from. I believe also it’s where my desire to write again in this notebook has stemmed. It has been far too long since I’ve properly recorded my thoughts down on paper. Neither James and I seem much suited for domesticity on the long one. No matter how much we love each other, we need a degree of freedom thatwe I haven’t been allowing. We’ve been rushing from one bit to another. We needed to stop.
The engagement is off for now and as much as a part of me agrees with James’ reasoning, it hurts to write those words. As naïve as it may sound, I always wanted a happy ending: be it as a top journalist or with a husband that loves me or the family that was taken from me as a youth. I haven’t told anyone that, to be honest. It’s a secret I’ll take to the grave, need it not interfere with the life I have going right now. I still want this happy ending. I want it with James.
I’m not quite sure when exactly it was I fell in love with him. Maybe it was the first time he cried in front of me, although I was loath to acknowledge it at the time. I had the Doctor and I had my travels; I didn’t need a man to complicate my life. But he has. And I’ll be eternally grateful that he did.
Spending the nights without him has been the hardest part. I moved out of his London flat earlier this week, taking up a semi-permanent residence in Milliways again when not travelling with the Doctor. I had that room to myself back before we ever became something more than friends. Now though, it’s strange not having him in there with me. His pillow still smells like him, but the warm body I want to cuddle with, as daft and girlish as it may seem, isn’t there.
Yet, despite that, I think I’m rather enjoying this new freedom. I certainly believe I could get used to weekly dates. Weekly in name, not necessarily in fact. After all, I travel and he’s, well, he’s James and there will be weeks where neither is around. And perhaps this will teach us to tolerate absences in the future better than we have. Oh, alright: better than I have.
My life has never been a sure thing since meeting the Doctor, and I believe each passing day it gets more complicated, and more ambiguous. But there’s a thrill in not knowing what will happen next. In a way, I like not knowing what James has been up to so he can surprise me with stories when we do meet. And I him. I never wanted a stale relationship. I wanted it to be full of laughter and love.
I only hope that it’s something we can maintain. The thought of losing James frightens me more than anything, even more so than losing the Doctor. Again, I cannot say for certain when this happened. It just did.
Ambiguity, my name is Sarah Jane Smith. Please, make yourself at home. Just let me keep James.
[ooc: based on role play at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
milliways_bar]
August 6
Milliways Calendar
Milliways: bar at the end of the universe
Delicious ambiguity. That certainly is my life now, isn’t it? I’m afraid I haven’t been a proper correspondent as late, writing more than the briefest description of my life between worlds. I do hope to change all that. As much as I enjoy writing articles, penning my own life brings with it such a deeper thrill. Especially considering just how unusual my life can get. I like to believe that it would all make a terrific story one day, someday far into the future when (if?) life has finally settled down.
Until then, it has rooted itself with uncertainties again. Life with the Doctor has always been like that to begin with. Perhaps in a way that bit of life has remained constant. I never know where he’s to bring me next. We’re supposed to be heading back towards London to meet with the Brigadier about that whole Loch Ness monster circumstance. Instead, we’ve been bouncing around from planet to planet, time to time. I suppose that’s what happens when one lives in a time machine: it doesn’t really quite matter how long you stay away as long as you wind up in the moment you intended.
Since we left Harry and the Brig, more than a couple weeks ago by now, we’ve seen nebulas being born, giant butterfly creatures, a species actually resembling dwarves of myth, and so much more. The Doctor’s been taking me on a wild adventure of time and space, and each morning I wake up not knowing where I’ll be next. Yet despite the adventure, it does become rather tiring at times, and some days I want nothing more than a long bath with a good romance novel.
But that is what I have Milliways for, isn’t it? It certainly provides the mundane simplicity of waking up each morning knowing that you’re still in the same place. Well, perhaps not as much as James’ world, but certainly a lot more so than life with the Doctor. Life is routine in Milliways, despite its weirdness. I wake up, go for a jog, spend the day working on an article or chatting with friends or reading a novel. At times it does get boring, at others it becomes a holiday from holiday.
As for life with James… That’s the problem, isn’t it? That’s where this ambiguity has come from. I believe also it’s where my desire to write again in this notebook has stemmed. It has been far too long since I’ve properly recorded my thoughts down on paper. Neither James and I seem much suited for domesticity on the long one. No matter how much we love each other, we need a degree of freedom that
The engagement is off for now and as much as a part of me agrees with James’ reasoning, it hurts to write those words. As naïve as it may sound, I always wanted a happy ending: be it as a top journalist or with a husband that loves me or the family that was taken from me as a youth. I haven’t told anyone that, to be honest. It’s a secret I’ll take to the grave, need it not interfere with the life I have going right now. I still want this happy ending. I want it with James.
I’m not quite sure when exactly it was I fell in love with him. Maybe it was the first time he cried in front of me, although I was loath to acknowledge it at the time. I had the Doctor and I had my travels; I didn’t need a man to complicate my life. But he has. And I’ll be eternally grateful that he did.
Spending the nights without him has been the hardest part. I moved out of his London flat earlier this week, taking up a semi-permanent residence in Milliways again when not travelling with the Doctor. I had that room to myself back before we ever became something more than friends. Now though, it’s strange not having him in there with me. His pillow still smells like him, but the warm body I want to cuddle with, as daft and girlish as it may seem, isn’t there.
Yet, despite that, I think I’m rather enjoying this new freedom. I certainly believe I could get used to weekly dates. Weekly in name, not necessarily in fact. After all, I travel and he’s, well, he’s James and there will be weeks where neither is around. And perhaps this will teach us to tolerate absences in the future better than we have. Oh, alright: better than I have.
My life has never been a sure thing since meeting the Doctor, and I believe each passing day it gets more complicated, and more ambiguous. But there’s a thrill in not knowing what will happen next. In a way, I like not knowing what James has been up to so he can surprise me with stories when we do meet. And I him. I never wanted a stale relationship. I wanted it to be full of laughter and love.
I only hope that it’s something we can maintain. The thought of losing James frightens me more than anything, even more so than losing the Doctor. Again, I cannot say for certain when this happened. It just did.
Ambiguity, my name is Sarah Jane Smith. Please, make yourself at home. Just let me keep James.
[ooc: based on role play at
milliways_bar]