Sep. 26th, 2007

his_sarah_jane: (bored)
As of earlier this afternoon, everything seemed set for a Saturday wedding. The church had been reserved and the paperwork had been filed. Invitations had been sent. While she had promised James to only invite close friends, Sarah instead found herself inviting people who had been there for her when she needed it, and her two favorite co-workers from the Say True. She left it up to James to deliver invitations to the few friends he had here, very much hoping that he would do so. If she could invite her Aunt Lavinia, she would have done so in a heartbeat.

Aside from that, the dress had been fitted and paid for, fitting perfectly despite the extra weight she had begun to put on. Wedding bands had been picked out and she couldn’t think of anything else that needed to be done. For a shotgun wedding, everything had fallen into place much more simply than she expected it to. That made her happy. Wedding planning would never be her forte, and as long as those dear to her were there – especially her husband to be – she couldn’t care less about it being prim and proper. There were other things to be done: a freelance journalistic career to turn into something more permanent and a new flat to find.

Yet, if everything was so set, than why wouldn’t plagues of worries, nerves, and fears go away? If she were being truly honest with herself, she had been feeling them ever since she had proposed. And despite the absolute joy she felt at the prospect of marrying James (the prospect of marrying James Bond meant absolutely nothing as it were the man she wanted, not the idol), she was frightened. Her life had been changing so horribly rapidly again, and this time it was in a way she had never expected.

Sarah had hoped that a trip outdoors would help change her mind. It was getting too chilly in the British autumn and despite the fact Milliways’ back yard was designed after the Scottish countryside, it was still rather comfortable there. Milliways’ landscape also had something any park in London lacked: a TARDIS for her to hide behind. She couldn’t bring herself to go inside. The guilt that was associated with that act was overpowering. She still hadn’t told the Doctor here about her pregnancy. The one back home had no idea about any of this. He was her best friend and she was abandoning him. What sort of person did that make her?

In a few short days, she would be someone’s wife. While she doubted that they would ever fall into a true domestic life, thank god, it would still be a lot different than any other experience in her life. She had never made it this far with Andrew, never got to plan the wedding or have these horrible jitters about possibly making a mistake. But this engagement was so much different – while Sarah was certain that it was out of love, more than that, it was out of necessity stemmed from pregnancy. Within the following months would come a child that they would raise together best they could.

The whole idea seemed utterly frightening again. For the past month, she had grown accustomed to the fact, even rather, well, happy with the idea. But now, with permanency on the horizon, she was terrified that they were making a mistake. Maybe she should have just gotten rid of it and gone on travelling with the Doctor. No, that wasn’t ever an option, she knew. Still, right now, Sarah Jane wanted nothing more than to go on one of those barmy adventures that always nearly got her killed. She missed it.

“I miss you, old girl,” she whispered, leaning back against the wooden frame of the police box with a sigh. “And I miss him. You better take good care of him if I can’t ever go back. And you better let him know that no matter what, he’ll always be my best friend. Even if I never do get to see him in again.”

Sarah sighed, wiping at a tear. There was still too much to think about, too much consider in all of this. Missing the Doctor was only the tip of this metaphorical iceberg. Changing her future (as the Doctor had hinted the last time they spoke) was only another small fraction of it. Whatever her romance novels claimed, Sarah Jane knew now that it was never as simple as just love.

But even with all the complications, she was sort of thankful for that. At least that meant life would never get boring. Especially, she considered, a life with James Bond.

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Sarah Jane Smith

April 2011

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