From the Journal of Sarah Jane

for clever_wanderer (using RS!verse):

( intoxicated!sarah )


for aces_are_rare (using Mways!verse):

( incarcerated!sarah )

clever_wanderer asked for confused!Sarah. So!

“I don’t understand, Doctor.”

Sarah Jane frowned, staring up at the man in front of her. He ran a hand through his hand, a nervous habit of his she had come to recognize as a sign of imminent awkwardness. She sighed, glancing down at the small box in her hand. She hadn’t meant to do that, to put him on the spot like that. She just… well, to put it simply, she didn’t understand.

“Why?”

“I… er, I…” He was stuttering. At the very least, Sarah knew that she had to be thankful that he hadn’t started talking about the weather yet. “Kinda stumbled along it the other day, going through the c box. I figured it was about time for a reread of Murder on the Orient Express, given that I can’t spend all day working on the TARDIS and I--”

The Doctor shrugged, smiling faintly. Sarah may have been confused by the small gift, but by now she had at least learned, and understood, the trouble he had with words sometimes. Babble was one thing. Emotions were something entirely different.

“ It’s been brilliant, having you here that is. I’ve told you that, haven’t I? And I just want you to remember. That I always want you… blimey, are those really tears?”

They were. She smiled weakly as she brushed away said tears. It had become habit now, hadn’t it? Confuse her, make her cry. Still, she doubted she would have it any other way. The box fell from her hands as she fingered the silver Claddagh ring. “It’s lovely, Doctor.”

“’Let love and friendship reign,’” he whispered. “Never forget me when you wear this ring, Sarah Jane Smith.”

It's your birthday! If anything were possible, what would be your perfect way to celebrate?

The universes were ending and at the foot of a house which would someday belong to her, Sarah Jane sat watching the hustle and bustle of all the numerous TARDISes. At some point, she had lost count as to how many there were. The number kept changing every day, with more popping up. Not less, though, only ever more.

With most of space (and presumably time) gone, there was nowhere for any of them to travel. They were stuck. All of them were stuck.

And she still didn’t know half of them, Doctors and companions alike. Sometimes Sarah Jane wondered if she wanted to.

Either way, today had been much like every other. She had woken up in his TARDIS. Some days they would share breakfast together. Today was breakfast alone: jam on toast and a banana. Then a run about the neighborhood. Then time in the library, using the laptop and the Doctor’s extensive wealth of knowledge to do her share in researching a solution.

A normal day, just like every other. She hadn’t even been aware of the date until later that night when she glanced at the calendar in her room.

May 28th. Sarah Jane was, by all intents and purposes, another year older.

She hated it.

Today had been like any other day up until that point. In staring at the calendar, she felt a weight on her shoulders. What right did she have to think of something so absolutely ordinary and… and human… when the whole of the universe was at stake?

She had wandered outside. Staring at the house hadn’t helped (how many more years till that?). Watching some of the Doctors served only to remind her how the day could have been.

If he had still been here, even with the universes ending, she knew everything would be all right. He would have taken her to dinner. He would have surprised her with some small, quaint, yet utterly charming gift. Maybe she’d teach him a new trick or two with that scarf.

Despite it all, though, she would have had his smiling face watching her every moment.

It had been quite some while since she had last thought of him.

It had been quite some while since Sarah Jane had actually wanted to celebrate her birthday.

She sighed, blinking back tears as she stared up into the darkness above. There wasn’t much left to the night sky now. It was as lonely as she was. In some selfish way, that thought comforted her. Sarah bit on her lip, watching the few lone stars try to shine, enveloped in a never-ending struggle against the darkness.

Stars (for the most part) were not sentient. Yet, in her well of self pity, she wondered if one of them up there wished for someone to share their day with.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

A coin clattered on a step next to her, startling her more from her reverie than the voice did. It was indeed a penny, but not like any penny Sarah had ever seen exchanged on Earth. The coin glittered in the porch light. The symbols were angular and foreign. The TARDIS could translate them if she wanted her too. A strange face reflected back to her. Even the metal felt weird.

“Duchamp 331 standard.” The Doctor, her new Doctor, sat down next to her. He pulled his knees to his chest and flashed Sarah a small smile. “Dime a dozen, these pennies. All of ‘em absolutely worthless.”

Sarah Jane nodded, turning the penny over. A souvenir from a planet she might never see. It’s probably gone now and even if it comes back, presuming they all survive, he may not want to take her with him. A lovely birthday thought for a lovely birthday. She sighed.

“I won’t even ask how many you have tucked away in your pockets then.”

At least the quips still came easily enough today.

She tried a smile, a half hearted smile that really had no effort to it. Sarah wanted to pretend that everything was alright. Today really was just like any other day. And she was only tired, not upset. She knew though, without a doubt, that her smile was one the Doctor saw right through. Best friends knew how to do that sort of thing, after all.

He smiled back softly as he wrapped an arm around Sarah’s shoulders, pulling her to rest against his chest. Sarah closed her eyes. How long would this moment last? She felt safe in his arms, even being that independent woman who refused to make him coffee all those years ago. She didn’t want to move.

The Doctor did, though. It was the slightest of movements, a simple shift of Sarah to his right so that he could reach into a jacket pocket and pull out a wrapped box that in no way seemed capable of fitting in the pocket he had kept it in. Still, the movement had startled Sarah Jane. Her heart skipped a beat and fear washed through her. Was he leaving?

No.

He ran a hand through his hair as he handed her the gift. She sat up straighter to look at him. The Doctor shrugged, reminding Sarah very much of that awkward lunch they had a while back. “I’ve never forgotten, Sarah Jane.”

She opened the box, eyes widening at the blue leather bound journal within. Sarah touched the edge carefully, tracing the indentations before looking upward. It reminded her of something else, something currently quite easily found on Bannerman Road. Wherever he had found it, it wasn’t on Earth. The leather was too fine and not quite proper in texture. The paper was too perfect.

Sarah Jane blinked and looked at him.

He smiled one of those knowing, arrogant smiles she couldn’t stand. It comforted her just the same. The Doctor reached over her to turn open the cover and tapped a finger on the page. Cursive letters slowly appeared.

“The words’ll only ever be visible when you want it to be,” he explained, interrupting Sarah before she had a chance to read the caption. “I found it while I was rummaging through the wardrobe. Blimey, you should see the stuff back there. Forgot I even had this. Think psychic paper but smarter. It’s a completely fail safe journal. Absolutely brilliant stuff, especially for a journalist.”

There was another quick smile followed by an awkward kiss on her forehead before he stood again. The touch of his lips against her skin lingered. Sarah looked up for a moment before her eyes fell downward, seizing the lieu in conversation as a chance to skim the letter.

We’ll laugh about this someday, you and I. Big, ole laugh right there in that swanky little joint on Orion’s Belt. Never did get you there, did I? Consider this—

--been a long time, I know. Haven’t even gotten a chance to tell you the half of it yet. Like that time on—

--I won’t ever forget, Sarah. I can’t ever forget. So every year I’ll—

--Don’t you ever forget me, Sarah Jane Sm—

--Love—

“Doctor!” Sarah stood quickly, nearly dropping the box. Her hands clenched tightly around the now-closed journal. In the time she had spent searching through the words, he had already turned to head back to the TARDIS. “Doctor!”

He stopped and turned around, a hesitant look on his face. The oncoming storm. Her best friend. Tears in her eyes ignored, Sarah beamed at him. “No need to wait till all of this is over to celebrate, is there? I happen to know this great little restaurant a few blocks away. Oddly enough, it’s called The Restaurant…”

[ooc: based on events in relative_space. clever_wanderer borrowed with mun permission.]

020. TEN lives you've never lived/could have lived

1. [Canon] White picket fences and a kitchen filled with the latest gadgetry. It wasn’t the first time Sarah Jane felt that she was living in an American suburb advertisement and she doubted it would be the last. Longingly, she stared out the window as she waited for the bus to drop off Alice and Trent. Andrew would be home from work soon, she really should start dinner. It was moments like this, when the dreariness of life as a housewife took over that Sarah regretted her decision. Twenty was far too young an age to marry. She never should have said yes.

2. [Canon] She couldn’t understand it. He looked so different now. He acted so different now. Sarah had seen him die with her own eyes. This man in front of her couldn’t have been the Doctor she had first met. It didn’t make any rational sense, even in a world that didn’t make any rational sense anymore. But there was no use dwelling on it more than necessary. She had made up her mind. Now that the crisis with the robot was over, there was no need in hanging about anymore. Sarah Jane had a career to get back to. She had explained as much minutes earlier when she came to UNIT HQ to say her goodbyes to the Doctor. Without a look back, she continued forward.

3. [Canon] When she said her last words, Sarah Jane was over a hundred and much older than she had ever expected to live. Somewhere out there in her universe, her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren roamed the stars. Wanderlust, it seemed, had been genetic and Sarah was content with letting them live the lives they wanted. After all, that was exactly what she did and oh, what a time it had been. Stowing away in the TARDIS that day the Doctor had tried to drop her off on Earth after receiving a call from the Timelords had been her most brilliant idea. Until now, neither had ever been lonely. And as she faded from this world, Sarah made her Doctor promise that he wouldn’t stay lonely for long.

4. [Milliways] It hadn’t been a false alarm. Her recklessness had finally caught up with her. There wouldn’t be any more trips with the Doctor, no eventual adventures with James. Sarah Jane’s future had been decided for her in one single mistake. But as James rubbed at her swollen belly, saying daft words to child inside of her, she didn’t consider it so much of a mistake anymore. Valerie was due to be born any day now; it was an event both looked forward to with trepidation and delight. Neither of them ever had a proper family growing up, but together, Sarah knew as she gave her husband a fond smile, they had found what they were missing.

5. [Milliways] Sarah Jane hadn’t quite sold her soul to the devil as given him her heart, freely and happily. At some point, sex with Sam had turned into something much more. He was still her friend, certainly, but she had started to see him in a different way. She had always known that Sam was rather gorgeous (and it didn’t really surprise her much given his background), but there was something more about him now. Something she hadn’t recalled feeling in a long time. As she laid in his arms that night, oblivious to the rest of the universe around them, she figured out what it was. Somewhere, somehow, Sarah had fallen in love. She was doomed.

6. [Theatrical Muse] She had been too late. That one fact would haunt her forever. With tear-filled eyes, Sarah watched the funeral pyre burn in the icy night. The sky was clear, much clearer than the night they had landed here days ago. But it was as cold and desolate as she remembered. Kane stood by her, an arm wrapped loosely around her shoulder. No matter how much she despised the pilot, she needed the comfort right now. Her best friend was gone. And she never even found out how much he had understood when she had whispered “I love you” the night before.

7. [Milliways] Except for that one-time pregnancy scare, she hadn’t ever planned on being a mother. But when Allana came into the bar two days ago, everything had changed. Her four year old friend was covered in dirt and grime, bruises and scratches covering her skin and tears in her eyes. There had been an explosion in the palace and, Sarah found out soon after, Hapes had been dragged into a war that had encompassed the rest of Allana’s galaxy. She had never planned on being a mother, but after meeting Allana’s father (though the man wouldn’t admit it) Sarah knew she had to try her best. He had been willing to give up his daughter to a stranger from another world to keep her safe. It gave Sarah a lot to live up to. As she walked over to his table to explain the matter, she only hoped James was willing to see this through with her.

8. [Relative Space] Sarah Jane had stormed away from the rest of the group after being stung by that flipping jam fish. For once, she had absolutely no intention in sharing in with the excitement, still too lost and confused by everything going on about her. The universe was ending and yet they were on Florana on a short vacation of sorts. But despite finally making it to Florana, she felt as if she was trapped in a never ending disaster. By all means, she probably was. So caught up in her own self pity, Sarah Jane didn’t notice anyone following her. When a hand grabbed hers, she turned around, startled. Sarah found herself looking up into the Doctor’s kind eyes, white hair mused by the wind. It was certainly a nice face to look at, she realized as she smiled back uncertainly. That uncertainty disappeared entirely when he kissed her. Everything but the two of them disappeared for that one lingering moment: the eye in the oncoming storm.

9. [Canon] Sarah laughed with excitement as she scored the winning goal of the playoff game. Never before had she performed this well. Certainly never before had she actually made a goal that made all the difference in the end. Her hockey stick was thrown to the ground as the ten year old girl ran forward to her team mates, joining them in excited shouts of celebration. From the corner of her eye, she caught her parents in the stands. They were clapping more enthusiastically than any other person, clearly proud of her. Sarah Jane laughed again, this time with anticipation. There was going to be a party in the Smith household tonight.

10. [Milliways] Every time she walked past the graveyard, Sarah was filled with a pain of what might have been. It hadn’t been a year yet and the ache inside her certainly hadn’t dulled. When James had died, it was unexpected, shortly after their first date. He had been called away on a mission to Cuba. She had waited a whole week for him to return, unable to get back to Milliways without his help. But he had never shown up. She had been abandoned in a world not her own. She hadn’t even had the chance to fall properly in love with him. Walking by that one graveyard always hurt. Yet, she never knew how to change routes.

[ooc: ya'll? i <3 you for inspiring these responses. you know who you are.]