With quiet thus achieved, James can finally think about how much he doesn't want to think about this. He would much rather sit it through and see what happens. The problem with this is that it might not work so well with impending parenthood. You can't just have a baby and "see what happens." Children don't develop on their own; they require constant cultivation from their parents. And the concept of constant anything has remained elusive for James.
Yet Sarah Jane, brave woman that she is, seems ready to do whatever it takes to raise this child, even if it means doing it on her own. It wouldn't be fair to up and leave her, would it? And she knows the risks--or at least he hopes she knows the risks. If there's anyone who's up to the challenge of raising his child, it's Sarah.
The question is: does he want a child?
He remembers how wonderful, and terrible, it was when Sarah Jane first thought she was pregnant. They had grown closer, so close that he wanted to marry her. Was that the case now? No, the case now was that he'd finished a mission, he was cut and bruised and patched-up everywhere, his left arm didn't work and he wanted to rest until he healed. The case now was that he didn't have the energy to think about tomorrow, not when, yesterday, he thought he wouldn't see today. A child meant thinking about the future, something he made a habit of avoiding.
Saying nothing, he closes his eyes, hoping to drift off. Maybe when he wakes up he'll have an idea of what he wants.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-09-14 04:20 pm (UTC)Yet Sarah Jane, brave woman that she is, seems ready to do whatever it takes to raise this child, even if it means doing it on her own. It wouldn't be fair to up and leave her, would it? And she knows the risks--or at least he hopes she knows the risks. If there's anyone who's up to the challenge of raising his child, it's Sarah.
The question is: does he want a child?
He remembers how wonderful, and terrible, it was when Sarah Jane first thought she was pregnant. They had grown closer, so close that he wanted to marry her. Was that the case now? No, the case now was that he'd finished a mission, he was cut and bruised and patched-up everywhere, his left arm didn't work and he wanted to rest until he healed. The case now was that he didn't have the energy to think about tomorrow, not when, yesterday, he thought he wouldn't see today. A child meant thinking about the future, something he made a habit of avoiding.
Saying nothing, he closes his eyes, hoping to drift off. Maybe when he wakes up he'll have an idea of what he wants.