Chat with Ewan, Saved for Private Record
Mar. 31st, 2008 11:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
his_sarah_janeI think this is how Owen said I ought to do it? Well, it's certainly worth a try, anyway, before I dash down to seek out Ewan. I want to save this.
It's a shame I can't save every memory in this manner.
happyscot has signed on
sjsmith has signed on
happyscot: I know I suggested we come here, Sarah, but if you're busy, if now isn't a good time...
sjsmith: Oh, you know I wouldn't be posting on that network thing if it wasn't.
happyscot: Sorry, so you are busy or you aren't? Language, bah...
sjsmith: I'm not, Ewan. You wanted to make this conversation private and I agreed. Clearly I'm not busy.
happyscot: I'm just checking. Don't want you to get into trouble with your boss. He can be very mean.
sjsmith: I'm certain I can deal with him if it came down to it.
happyscot: Right. Of course. So.
sjsmith: So.
happyscot: Based on what we've touched upon there... Does it bother you that I've been... intimate with Jack?
sjsmith: No. He's certainly attractive and from what I've heard about 51st century men... Well, it really isn't surprising. That's not it at all, Ewan.
happyscot: Just making sure. I know it might make some people... uncomfortable.
sjsmith: It wouldn't be right if it made me uncomfortable. People ought to be who they are to the very core. If you can't, then what's the point?
happyscot: You're a grand woman, Sarah Jane Smith, and wiser than many I've encountered.
happyscot: Of course, I haven't been able to be myself very often, so it's interesting you should put it that way.
sjsmith: I'd never want to be anything else. And I'd never want you to be anybody but you around me, Ewan. That's what makes this so bloody difficult.
happyscot: In case you're wondering at all, I am being me around you, if maybe just a wee bit nicer. I can be a bastard, Have I mentioned that>
?
sjsmith: Repeatedly. I still don't believe it.
happyscot: I hope you don't see much of him, actually. I'm not fond of who I can be.
happyscot: But that isn't why we're chatting here, is it?
sjsmith: I think we're chatting because I'm finding myself rather in over my head when it comes to you.
sjsmith: Oh, is it common to find this easier to say on a screen than in person?
happyscot: I think we both struggle with at least one thing when we're chatting in person, and that's keeping our focus. Perhaps this way will be easier. I don't know.
sjsmith: If only because you're clearly so irresistible. You have no one but yourself to blame for that.
happyscot: You speak of irresistable, and I turn the compliment back to you, leman. How can I focus on words when all I senses are assalting me like that?
sjsmith: Ewan...
happyscot: What? I'm down in the Archives and you're all the way up there and not here, so I can poke you a little bit with words, can't I?
happyscot: You can't help it, I know, but you drive me mad.
sjsmith: Oh, you most certainly can. It drives me absolutely mad and makes my heart beat far too rapidly. And that's all part of this complication, you know. I don't know if I can ever learn to share.
happyscot: Ah.
sjsmith: You see the complication now?
happyscot: I do. I don't know what to do about it.
happyscot: I'm being honest with you, Sarah. Despite having to hide what I am, I do try to be honest. Best policy and all that shite.
sjsmith: Most certainly. And it means so very much to me. Andrew was never quite that honest and. Ewan, what if I can't do it?
happyscot: I don't know. I realize that isn't a useful answer, but I don't know.
sjsmith: I don't want to give you up. You make me feel so... oh so wonderful and alive, no matter what we're doing. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun going to a cinema. I can't keep my hands off of you and... and I really do want to see where this goes.
sjsmith: Oh, darn it. I'm just a flipping mess, aren't I?
happyscot: No, you're fine. I've not been terribly helpful, have I? Teasing you and touching you whenever I get the chance. I've been very selfish, and that isn't fair on you.
happyscot: And now I'm trying to recall what we saw at the cinema...?
sjsmith: Don't you dare think about stooping! I adore it, I really do.
happyscot: Good.
happyscot: You're very distracting, Sarah...
sjsmith: And you're not?
happyscot: Well, I'm glad you seem to think I'm worthy of attention. I can work with that.
sjsmith: ...Ewan, leman, if you did... well, if you did meet someone else, what would happen to us?
happyscot: You see, that's the tricky part. I haven't really let myself meet anyone quite like this before. Always just casual and subsequently Retconed. Except for once. It didn't end well.
happyscot: I don't know what would happen. I wouldn't want to lose you, but it's been... very rare that I've let anyone in...
happyscot: If I met someone else... I don't know. I'd be... reluctant to pass up an opportunity to get to know someone like that.
happyscot: But I don't want to lose what we have.
sjsmith: Thank you. For being honest with me, Ewan.
happyscot: I live in fear of me being so fucking honest that I drive someone away.
sjsmith: It hasn't driven me away yet. I just... oh, I'm usually so good at living in the present. But since I've met you, I've found myself preoccupied with the future.
sjsmith: I need to stop, don't I?
happyscot: Stop?
sjsmith: Focusing on the bloody future.
happyscot: Ah. Ahahahahaha. Right. Got my heart going again. Everything is fine.
sjsmith: Ewan?
sjsmith: Oh, this isn't funny, Ewan!
Ewan!
happyscot: Fine. I'm fine.
sjsmith: Then don't scare me like that.
happyscot: I... wasna sure what you wanted to stop, is all...
happyscot: Got a bit panicked, but I'm fine.
sjsmith: Oh.
sjsmith: I really mean that much to you?
happyscot: I'm a selfish bastard, you know.
happyscot: I want to keep you in my life and find out where the road takes us. We're still so new to this... all this...
happyscot: But I can't meet you where you're more comfortable
happyscot: And I won't. I cdon't know how.
*don't
sjsmith: I guess we have no choice, do we?
sjsmith: There really is only one way to find out where the road will take us, after all. I just... oh, I have to learn to live with all of this.
happyscot: I'm not permitted to say 'I'm sorry', am I?
sjsmith: Perhaps this one time.
sjsmith: Although, I do have to say, actions can speak louder than words.
happyscot: Aye...
happyscot: So... I'm sorry, Sarah Jane Smith. I'm not your average bloke. My rules are different. I understand most of your rules, but I don't follow them well.
happyscot: If I misunderstand anything or you need clarification, you let me know. Promise?
sjsmith: I promise, leman.
sjsmith: Apology accepted. Although, I suppose at some level, I should have known what I was getting in to.
happyscot: I'm a bloody alien, Sarah. Read 'beyond foreign'. In all your travels, have any of the ones you met been identical at all?
sjsmith: Don't be daft. Of course not.
happyscot: You had a better idea than some, to be certain, but I'm still very different from you, despite the way I look and sound and so on.
happyscot: Humanoid, but alien. If I'd known we were going to... well, be in this position, I might have thought of things that would make it easier for you.
happyscot: But I didn't know this would happen.
sjsmith: And neither did I.
sjsmith: But if there's one thing I have gotten out of this chat, it's that I'm not giving up on you yet, Ewan Harrow.
sjsmith: In fact, I have half a mind to go find these Archives of yours and show you just how much I still want you in my life - no matter the complications.
happyscot: Hmmm...
happyscot: I'm all by myself down here, and can see the camera from where I'm sitting...
sjsmith: Then clearly you ought to move before I get down there...
happyscot: Oh?
sjsmith: I think you still have some apologising to do, after all. For getting me into this whole mess to begin with...
happyscot: Ah, the whole 'actions-speak-louder-than-words' reference is coming back to me now...
sjsmith: Oh, I always knew you were a smart one.
happyscot: Ha-ha.
happyscot: Are you really coming down here?
sjsmith: Just you wait and see.
happyscot: How long should I wait before I assume you're lost in the tunnels and we need to summone the hounds?
*summon
sjsmith: Quiet, you! I can handle myself down there, thank you very much.
happyscot: I can hear it now: "Uan, what have you done with, Sarah?" "Nothing, Jack. She said she was coming down two hours ago." "Was that 'coming down' or 'coming'?" "Fuck off, Jack."
sjsmith: ...Ewan! Oh, I'm going. Now, even. I'll be there in less than ten minutes - just to prove you wrong.
happyscot: D'you have a map, leman?
sjsmith: Oh! You better have a good apology up your sleeve. I expect to be coming... very shortly.
happyscot: I'd better find a corner where no one can see us, then, if you plan on... coming soon.
sjsmith: :D
sjsmith has signed off
happyscot has signed off
It's a shame I can't save every memory in this manner.
happyscot has signed on
sjsmith has signed on
happyscot: I know I suggested we come here, Sarah, but if you're busy, if now isn't a good time...
sjsmith: Oh, you know I wouldn't be posting on that network thing if it wasn't.
happyscot: Sorry, so you are busy or you aren't? Language, bah...
sjsmith: I'm not, Ewan. You wanted to make this conversation private and I agreed. Clearly I'm not busy.
happyscot: I'm just checking. Don't want you to get into trouble with your boss. He can be very mean.
sjsmith: I'm certain I can deal with him if it came down to it.
happyscot: Right. Of course. So.
sjsmith: So.
happyscot: Based on what we've touched upon there... Does it bother you that I've been... intimate with Jack?
sjsmith: No. He's certainly attractive and from what I've heard about 51st century men... Well, it really isn't surprising. That's not it at all, Ewan.
happyscot: Just making sure. I know it might make some people... uncomfortable.
sjsmith: It wouldn't be right if it made me uncomfortable. People ought to be who they are to the very core. If you can't, then what's the point?
happyscot: You're a grand woman, Sarah Jane Smith, and wiser than many I've encountered.
happyscot: Of course, I haven't been able to be myself very often, so it's interesting you should put it that way.
sjsmith: I'd never want to be anything else. And I'd never want you to be anybody but you around me, Ewan. That's what makes this so bloody difficult.
happyscot: In case you're wondering at all, I am being me around you, if maybe just a wee bit nicer. I can be a bastard, Have I mentioned that>
?
sjsmith: Repeatedly. I still don't believe it.
happyscot: I hope you don't see much of him, actually. I'm not fond of who I can be.
happyscot: But that isn't why we're chatting here, is it?
sjsmith: I think we're chatting because I'm finding myself rather in over my head when it comes to you.
sjsmith: Oh, is it common to find this easier to say on a screen than in person?
happyscot: I think we both struggle with at least one thing when we're chatting in person, and that's keeping our focus. Perhaps this way will be easier. I don't know.
sjsmith: If only because you're clearly so irresistible. You have no one but yourself to blame for that.
happyscot: You speak of irresistable, and I turn the compliment back to you, leman. How can I focus on words when all I senses are assalting me like that?
sjsmith: Ewan...
happyscot: What? I'm down in the Archives and you're all the way up there and not here, so I can poke you a little bit with words, can't I?
happyscot: You can't help it, I know, but you drive me mad.
sjsmith: Oh, you most certainly can. It drives me absolutely mad and makes my heart beat far too rapidly. And that's all part of this complication, you know. I don't know if I can ever learn to share.
happyscot: Ah.
sjsmith: You see the complication now?
happyscot: I do. I don't know what to do about it.
happyscot: I'm being honest with you, Sarah. Despite having to hide what I am, I do try to be honest. Best policy and all that shite.
sjsmith: Most certainly. And it means so very much to me. Andrew was never quite that honest and. Ewan, what if I can't do it?
happyscot: I don't know. I realize that isn't a useful answer, but I don't know.
sjsmith: I don't want to give you up. You make me feel so... oh so wonderful and alive, no matter what we're doing. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun going to a cinema. I can't keep my hands off of you and... and I really do want to see where this goes.
sjsmith: Oh, darn it. I'm just a flipping mess, aren't I?
happyscot: No, you're fine. I've not been terribly helpful, have I? Teasing you and touching you whenever I get the chance. I've been very selfish, and that isn't fair on you.
happyscot: And now I'm trying to recall what we saw at the cinema...?
sjsmith: Don't you dare think about stooping! I adore it, I really do.
happyscot: Good.
happyscot: You're very distracting, Sarah...
sjsmith: And you're not?
happyscot: Well, I'm glad you seem to think I'm worthy of attention. I can work with that.
sjsmith: ...Ewan, leman, if you did... well, if you did meet someone else, what would happen to us?
happyscot: You see, that's the tricky part. I haven't really let myself meet anyone quite like this before. Always just casual and subsequently Retconed. Except for once. It didn't end well.
happyscot: I don't know what would happen. I wouldn't want to lose you, but it's been... very rare that I've let anyone in...
happyscot: If I met someone else... I don't know. I'd be... reluctant to pass up an opportunity to get to know someone like that.
happyscot: But I don't want to lose what we have.
sjsmith: Thank you. For being honest with me, Ewan.
happyscot: I live in fear of me being so fucking honest that I drive someone away.
sjsmith: It hasn't driven me away yet. I just... oh, I'm usually so good at living in the present. But since I've met you, I've found myself preoccupied with the future.
sjsmith: I need to stop, don't I?
happyscot: Stop?
sjsmith: Focusing on the bloody future.
happyscot: Ah. Ahahahahaha. Right. Got my heart going again. Everything is fine.
sjsmith: Ewan?
sjsmith: Oh, this isn't funny, Ewan!
Ewan!
happyscot: Fine. I'm fine.
sjsmith: Then don't scare me like that.
happyscot: I... wasna sure what you wanted to stop, is all...
happyscot: Got a bit panicked, but I'm fine.
sjsmith: Oh.
sjsmith: I really mean that much to you?
happyscot: I'm a selfish bastard, you know.
happyscot: I want to keep you in my life and find out where the road takes us. We're still so new to this... all this...
happyscot: But I can't meet you where you're more comfortable
happyscot: And I won't. I cdon't know how.
*don't
sjsmith: I guess we have no choice, do we?
sjsmith: There really is only one way to find out where the road will take us, after all. I just... oh, I have to learn to live with all of this.
happyscot: I'm not permitted to say 'I'm sorry', am I?
sjsmith: Perhaps this one time.
sjsmith: Although, I do have to say, actions can speak louder than words.
happyscot: Aye...
happyscot: So... I'm sorry, Sarah Jane Smith. I'm not your average bloke. My rules are different. I understand most of your rules, but I don't follow them well.
happyscot: If I misunderstand anything or you need clarification, you let me know. Promise?
sjsmith: I promise, leman.
sjsmith: Apology accepted. Although, I suppose at some level, I should have known what I was getting in to.
happyscot: I'm a bloody alien, Sarah. Read 'beyond foreign'. In all your travels, have any of the ones you met been identical at all?
sjsmith: Don't be daft. Of course not.
happyscot: You had a better idea than some, to be certain, but I'm still very different from you, despite the way I look and sound and so on.
happyscot: Humanoid, but alien. If I'd known we were going to... well, be in this position, I might have thought of things that would make it easier for you.
happyscot: But I didn't know this would happen.
sjsmith: And neither did I.
sjsmith: But if there's one thing I have gotten out of this chat, it's that I'm not giving up on you yet, Ewan Harrow.
sjsmith: In fact, I have half a mind to go find these Archives of yours and show you just how much I still want you in my life - no matter the complications.
happyscot: Hmmm...
happyscot: I'm all by myself down here, and can see the camera from where I'm sitting...
sjsmith: Then clearly you ought to move before I get down there...
happyscot: Oh?
sjsmith: I think you still have some apologising to do, after all. For getting me into this whole mess to begin with...
happyscot: Ah, the whole 'actions-speak-louder-than-words' reference is coming back to me now...
sjsmith: Oh, I always knew you were a smart one.
happyscot: Ha-ha.
happyscot: Are you really coming down here?
sjsmith: Just you wait and see.
happyscot: How long should I wait before I assume you're lost in the tunnels and we need to summone the hounds?
*summon
sjsmith: Quiet, you! I can handle myself down there, thank you very much.
happyscot: I can hear it now: "Uan, what have you done with, Sarah?" "Nothing, Jack. She said she was coming down two hours ago." "Was that 'coming down' or 'coming'?" "Fuck off, Jack."
sjsmith: ...Ewan! Oh, I'm going. Now, even. I'll be there in less than ten minutes - just to prove you wrong.
happyscot: D'you have a map, leman?
sjsmith: Oh! You better have a good apology up your sleeve. I expect to be coming... very shortly.
happyscot: I'd better find a corner where no one can see us, then, if you plan on... coming soon.
sjsmith: :D
sjsmith has signed off
happyscot has signed off
