[Milliways] OOM: James' Flat, London, 2006

[his_sarah_jane]

The seconds are moving too slowly right now.

He should have been home minutes ago. What she really needed was for him to have been back hours ago.

She had checked. Double checked and triple checked and it was all rather very clear, wasn't it? What it all meant and implied for her future. Their future.

Most of the time, Sarah Jane took life's surprises with grace and a sense of eagerness. Right now, though, she's terrified. Horribly and completely terrified that her life is about to change again and not in a way she's prepared for at all.

And so she leans back in the sofa again, closing her eyes and wishing the seconds to go by faster.

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[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

When his hand covers her, Sarah finally lets herself go and cries softly.

"I'm afraid. I'm really afraid of all this."

Telling James that she was late was only the first hurdle. And now there were so many more to cross until...until when? When they have a baby? That couldn't be it, could it? How could that be her future?

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He sighs, rubbing his head against the wall. What is he supposed to say right now? That he’s afraid, too? That this is all a mistake? He’s at a loss for words.

He squeezes her hand. Not sufficient communication, he knows. But that’s all he can say.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

There aren't any words that could make her feel better right now, she thinks. Only going back and preventing this from happening, or waking up and finding out it's all some daft dream.

She continues to cry, now hiding her face in his suit.

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He lifts his head, disregarding if the skin scratches against the wall.

“Maybe it’s a false alarm.”

He hopes so. It’s far too early in their relationship to have to deal with a child.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She doesn't think so. She wants it to be, but life can't be that easy, can it?

"Maybe," she mumbles, not moving her head from against him. But it's a defeated maybe.

One would think she would know her own body better than this than to fall victim to a false alarm.

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

“Well, let’s wait before we say for certain that you’re pregnant.”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"And till then?"

It's not like she can easily dismiss this. Not when there might be a child growing inside her. It's a hard thing to forget.

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

“I don’t know.”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"Well, that makes two of us," Sarah admits with a frown, tears drying.

She's quiet for a long moment and then looks up at James slowly, curiously. "Is it wrong that I'm hoping this is nothing more than some bloody stupid false alarm?"

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

“No, because that’s what I’m hoping, too.”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"Good," she says, not really smiling.

At least they're being honest.

"I don't want to lose you, James."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He peers at her over his shoulder. “You think you would lose me if this wasn’t a false alarm?”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She nods weakly. "You are a double-oh."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

“I’d have to retire from the service.” His 00 was not his identity. It wasn’t him, the person. It was a number he could dump as easy as changing clothes. Or close to it.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She shakes her head. "No you couldn't. It's too much of who you are. And I honestly respect that about you. I...we'll figure something out, won't we? We've made it this far."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He sags his eyelids. “Maybe it is in your world,” he mutters, turning his head around towards the wall again. “And I guess we will.” His eyelids close.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She reaches out to stop his head before it gets to close to the wall, pulling it around instead to rest forehead to forehead with hers.

They'll figure something out. They have to.

"I love you," she whispers, closing her own eyes. "No matter what happens, that doesn't change."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He sighs.

“I love you, too.”

But this is too soon.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Far, far too soon in Sarah Jane's opinion. Months, even years, wouldn't make it any better though.

With a sigh, she finally sneaks in to the space between James and the wall, hugging him tightly. At the very least, she's not alone in any of this.

And that brings some comfort to her, however little.

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He lets them stand in silence for a few minutes.



Finally, he breathes in deeply.

“So if it is a child…what do we call it?” As always with him, it’s hard to tell if he’s being serious or if he’s joking.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She wants to smile at that so much. But she can't.

Instead, she shrugs. Quietly, "I suppose that would depend on whether or not we have a boy or a girl."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

“So if it is a boy…”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She'd love to name it after the Doctor. But that probably wouldn't work, considering she didn't even know what his real name was.

"...Alistair?"

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

James leans back, looking at her with disapproval. “…no.”

It’s a horrible name—and this, a splendid distraction from a number of things. Why not be silly and irrelevant? It’s not as if these names are going anywhere. It’s just a bit of fun. There’s not a baby inside of her. It’s a false alarm. It has to be.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

And if there is? If there's something growing inside her? Well then, at least they'll be prepared.

Finally, Sarah lets herself smile a little. "Then you suggest one."