[Milliways] OOM: Jamaica

[his_sarah_jane]

The door from Milliways opens to a small but posh beach house, one the perfect size for two people. After spending the past month stuck in a bar at the end of the universe, Sarah Jane quickly considers it the most beautiful place that she's ever seen. She can hear the ocean surf beating against the sand and the salt air smells wonderful.

Now this, she decides, is the sort of place a pregnant woman should live. Morning sickness has since abated for the day and she feels absolutely wonderful. Placing her bag down by the closet door, Sarah turns to smile brightly at James. It's rather clear from her face that she considers it the best vacation ever. And if not:

"I absolutely love it."

Comments

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

"I thought you might," he says, sitting down on the bed. In the back of his mind he's aware of the possibility that he might not get back up again, and he's fine with that.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Sarah nods, smiling again as she closes her eyes and inhales deeply. It's not Milliways. It's perfect. James is here and alive and she really doesn't doubt that life can get better than this.

Except, well, for a few nagging doubts still lingering at the back of her mind. John told her to ignore Le Chiffre. It's hard to do when the man was actually right.

With a sigh, she kicks off her shoes and crawls on to the bed next to James, carefully resting her head on his chest. Then, hesitantly, she picks up his nearest hand and moves it over to cover her stomach.

Quietly, "I might be the one carrying it, but that's your child in there, too. I know it's not exactly the welcome back surprise you were hoping for. It's the one we both got, though."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

She's right. It wasn't the surprise he was hoping for.

"Are you sure we can do this?" He can think of several reasons why they can't.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"I've had a month to think about it," she murmurs, not quite meeting his eyes as her grip on his hand tightens. "A month to cry and to wish it hadn't happened and all of that, you see. Neither of us had proper parenting growing up. Both of us live lives that aren't exactly suited for a child."

There are so many reasons why she shouldn't - they shouldn't - have this baby. She's gone through them all, multiple times. It's reached the point with her that they don't really matter anymore.

"I'm not getting rid of the baby, James," Sarah Jane states firmly, finally meeting his eyes. "I've decided that much. And while I really do want nothing more than to have a partner in this, I think I'd understand if you don't want to be that person."

The words hurt to say. But she needs to give him the choice. She's already made hers.

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. "Just...give me a little time, okay? I--I'm probably not in the most accommodating state at the moment."

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Sarah nods, blinking back tears. They're not something she can help at the moment. Crying seems to come more naturally than normal since becoming pregnant. But she understands his choice. It does make sense.

"It's not a one to make lightly, is it?" She sighs, burying her face against his shirt and not caring at all if she dampens it. When the nuzzling stops, the talking returns. James Bond, welcome to the wonderful world of mood swings and overactive hormones.

"It's absolutely horrible and grueling and completely detestable, and then there are the things you know you have to give up to suit it. I don't want you to give up anything, James. I want you to be you, and oh, I want you like that. But whatever you do decide on, we'll always be your family. That won't ever change."

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

"Sarah," he says, after taking in a breath, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I need you to calm down." Or stop talking, more like, but that's ruder. The truth is he can't think about this as long as she keeps trying to talk him into or out of it.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Sarah winces, not at his words but her own actions. Pregnancy is absolutely not fun. Be it the physical effects or emotional ones. Especially the emotional ones sometimes.

"Sorry."

She then falls quiet and closes her eyes, stretching one arm over his chest.

[callitavesper.livejournal.com]

With quiet thus achieved, James can finally think about how much he doesn't want to think about this. He would much rather sit it through and see what happens. The problem with this is that it might not work so well with impending parenthood. You can't just have a baby and "see what happens." Children don't develop on their own; they require constant cultivation from their parents. And the concept of constant anything has remained elusive for James.

Yet Sarah Jane, brave woman that she is, seems ready to do whatever it takes to raise this child, even if it means doing it on her own. It wouldn't be fair to up and leave her, would it? And she knows the risks--or at least he hopes she knows the risks. If there's anyone who's up to the challenge of raising his child, it's Sarah.

The question is: does he want a child?

He remembers how wonderful, and terrible, it was when Sarah Jane first thought she was pregnant. They had grown closer, so close that he wanted to marry her. Was that the case now? No, the case now was that he'd finished a mission, he was cut and bruised and patched-up everywhere, his left arm didn't work and he wanted to rest until he healed. The case now was that he didn't have the energy to think about tomorrow, not when, yesterday, he thought he wouldn't see today. A child meant thinking about the future, something he made a habit of avoiding.

Saying nothing, he closes his eyes, hoping to drift off. Maybe when he wakes up he'll have an idea of what he wants.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

The only sound Sarah makes as he thinks is a small and tired yawn. For the first time since he left, she feels safe again. Safe enough to drift off to sleep without a single worry. For once, she doesn't think about the horrible nausea that tends to accompany waking up. She doesn't think about how falling asleep now means waking up to another uncertain day tomorrow.

She has James again, at least for now. It's always been comfortable in his arms. But right now, Sarah Jane feels a contentment she has never felt before. It's the contentment of being with the man she's truly come to consider family as their child grows and develops inside of her. It's a feeling of home she doesn't think she's ever felt before.

And with that, it's only a few minutes before Sarah Jane truly does fall asleep. Happy.