[Mixed Muses] A Date with Simon

[his_sarah_jane]

The door opens to a cozy attic neatly cluttered with many assorted nicknacks. Some of the objects are easily recognisable: books, photo frames, papers, etc. Others, though, are much more alien in origin.

Sarah Jane smiles warmly as she moves aside to let Simon through. Then, she shrugs slightly. "I don't typically have much company up here."

Comments

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

“It’s a lot to go through,” he shakily replies. “N-nobody…you didn’t do this. I did. My fault, my punishment. Don’t have to suffer with me.”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Sarah Jane shakes her head again, continuing to soothingly stroke his hair. "It still doesn't mean you should go through it alone."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

Desperation flashes across his face. “Why do you want to go through this with me?”

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

The answer is clear enough to Sarah Jane. "Because no one should have to go through something like this alone."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

He turns his face away, staring at the ground. “Even if they brought it upon themselves.”

Half question, half statement.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Sarah turns to rest her head against his, not loosening her grip on him at all.

"It's the man I met now that matters. Not the man he was."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

“I wish I could feel the same way you do,” he replies quietly.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"I believe it's something you have to learn rather than just accept, Simon. It took me years to realise I was better off not being alone."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

Simon can’t think of anything to say to that.

He had made his mind up to be alone a long time ago. All he’s doing now is defending that choice by pushing away as many people as he can. Sarah--well, he doesn't want to get rid of Sarah. She's been wonderful. But right now, all he can think is that she's also being very masochistic. This isn't her pain to feel. It's his.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She sighs against him, closing her eyes. Sarah begins to rock the swing gently as she continues to hold him.

There's nothing more to say right now. He just needs to be reassured that he isn't alone. And the best way to do that, as she had learned from an early age, is by contact.

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

After a while:

"Why do you care so much? About me?"

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

That's a very good question. She's only just met him and, truth be told, she isn't too sure why she cares all this much. Maybe it has something to do with discovering a joy of taking care of people. Or maybe it's because in him, she's found a sort of kindred spirit of a man actually attracted to her.

Something about him struck a chord, and it's something Sarah Jane still can't put into words.

"I don't know," she whispers. "I just seem to."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

"I really don't deserve it."

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"I don't think it's up to you to decide."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

"It's not for me to decide who cares about me," he clarifies. In his mind, he can decide whether he deserves it or not.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

She nods. "People can't help the way they feel."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

"Then I'm sorry you wound up caring for someone like me."

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

Sarah shakes her head, not understanding.

"Why?"

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

He shakes his head, silent again. It's just a difference of opinion.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"There is something worth caring about in you, Simon."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

"Like what?"

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"The very fact that for some daft reason, you seem to care about me," she answers with a dry laugh.

Then, on a more serious note: "Your regret. There's a good man in you, Simon, or you wouldn't feel this way."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

"I regret too much," he replies.

[his-sarah-jane.livejournal.com]

"Better that you do than you don't. It makes you human."

[slasherofprices.livejournal.com]

"But it doesn't change anything, does it? All this remorse, regret: it doesn't change what you've done." He sighs. "I'm repeating myself. I have been for a long time."